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Heal lives and Relationships this Holiday Season
We all have regrets about the past. Maybe we wished we'd handled a relationship differently, or better? It can be overwhelming to become conscious of the damage that some mistakes have caused. Rather than transform painful choices, relationships blocks, and unhappy lives (which seems to be an obvious solution), many choose to ignore the reality of what they've created and pretend nothing is wrong. They think they'll avoid pain that way. Not true! The strain of avoidance always causes more pain (and work), and over time creates extensive damage. It's easier to just fess up--heal--and move forward.
The holiday season is a typical time when relationship blocks need addressing. Here are some easy, pain- free ways to heal lives and relationships that may be suffering:
1. Say two simple words--"I'm sorry!" These two short and easy words often go unsaid because those who may need to say them are too afraid to use them! Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't mean you're admitting to a crime. It can mean, "I'm sorry that happened." Or, "I'm sorry you feel that way." If a relationship is particularly vulnerable to hurt or argument, stick to these magic words. Say them lovingly. You'll be amazed at how something so simple will transform your life!
2. Validate others--it's the easy way to resolve conflict. Regardless of your opinion or perception, there's two sides to a story--your's and there's. Those who feel wounded by you may not see your point-of-view, and they are much less likely to see your side when you refuse to see theirs. When we get in a, "I'm right, he/she is wrong" battle, we are surely stuck! Perhaps everyone is right. That is--we are always right about our feelings, whether or not we agree on the details. When we validate the other person, we open the door for them to acknowledge us, and this begins resolution. If your challenger doesn't choose to accept your outlook--let it go. Regardless, you'll feel better.
3. Establish healthy boundaries. We all need limits to maintain healthy relationships and happy lives. When we uphold appropriate and positive boundaries, we have better self-esteem; we find we are kinder to others and ourselves; and, we create and sustain unconscious expectations where others know that we expect them to be kind to us. Treating one another with love and kindness is the most essential element for any relationship (and family). Without healthy boundaries and appropriate limits, families fall apart.
4. Serve those you love. When we are self- absorbed, we are unforgiving and unable to properly acknowledge those we love. We manifest our selfishness with an unforgiving nature. To break-free of this unhealthy cycle, serve another without any expectation of receiving something in return. As we serve, we heal our tendency to be selfish, we open our minds to new possibilities, and we unleash our potential to receive limitless joy!
5. Forgive--it's the only way to move forward! Holding on to judgment and criticism of another leaves us stuck with the burden of high expectations and the pain of regret. Forgiveness allows us to energetically dump the heavy, emotional backpacks we carry. Sometimes we must forgive ourselves. Other times we need to absolve a loved one who has betrayed us. Either way, as we forgive, we literally "give" away our pain. It's the only way to truly heal a damaged relationship!
6. Love yourself! We all make mistakes-- that's the way we learn. If we all did it perfect all of the time, the world would be dull and we'd never progress. We need each other to make mistakes so that life can be a laboratory of learning. Truly loving from the inside out happens when we let go of high expectations and accept ourselves--the positive and negative traits we possess. This means acknowledging and tolerating our mistakes, and growing beyond them. As we choose this option, we discover self-love, which breeds a sense of freedom, happiness, and healthy self-esteem.
As you spend time with your family this holiday season, remember to apply these tips. __For this week's homework, determine which one of these solutions will best serve you now, and then develop a plan to implement it into your every day routine.
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Enjoy your week,
Rebecca Linder Hintze
Author, Healing Your Family History
©Rebecca Linder Hintze, 2008.
email: rebecca@rebeccahintze.com
phone: 571.246.7400
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2 comments:
I'm glad you posted this. It's been in my inbox and I've been meaning to get around to reading it-which usually means that I don't.
Woot! I know her! I actually don't. But I feel like I do. She is my sister's very dear friend.
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